Dad jokes thread

jave808 · May 18, 2022, 12:54:18 PM

Hi
Just for a laugh I've decided to start a "really bad Dad jokes" thread. Feel free to add your own dad jokes.

I'll start...

A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond.
"What's your name?" Asked the chicken.
"Bond, James Bond" he replied.
"What's yours?"
"Ken. Chick Ken"

tazzduke · May 18, 2022, 02:41:55 PM

Awesome, this is something I will look forward to as well as trying to find that darn penguin, I still haven't found him from his last effort lol.

Knock Knock
Who's there
Lettuce
Lettuce Who
Lettuce in

Think about it lol. Yeah I know its a bad one lol.

shift · May 19, 2022, 09:31:40 AM

What's blue and smells like red paint?

blue paint

jave808 · May 19, 2022, 03:01:35 PM

Oh those two are bad.

Me, in tears to my wife:

Our neighbour passed away last night 😥😥😥

Kirsten: Who Ray????

Me: Not nice Kirsten

shift · May 19, 2022, 08:05:44 PM

lol I had to read that one out loud.

Mike Mitchell · May 20, 2022, 02:03:03 AM

Quote from: shift on May 19, 2022, 08:05:44 PM
lol I had to read that one out loud.

I had to read it twice before I go it!

jave808 · May 20, 2022, 10:22:47 AM

I've invented a new game called Silent Tennis.
It's like regular tennis but without the racquet.

jave808 · May 20, 2022, 10:24:46 AM

A book fell and hit me on the head,
I only have my shelf to blame

tazzduke · May 20, 2022, 10:26:18 AM

jave808 · May 29, 2022, 12:45:32 PM

Someone just threw a lot of omega 3 at me....

luckily my injuries were only super fish oil

Dataman · May 31, 2022, 02:03:21 PM

Why don't oysters donate to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

Dataman · June 02, 2022, 02:04:30 AM

Never believe an atom, they make up everything!

jave808 · June 05, 2022, 11:19:00 AM

What do you call a girl with her knee caught in a fence?
Caughtknee
(Courtney)

Dataman · June 06, 2022, 12:59:23 AM

What's the No. 1 cause of divorce?

Marriage!

jave808 · June 08, 2022, 12:28:02 PM

A man was working in the garden and his wife was about to take a shower.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake.. and yelled up to his wife,
"Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear and she shouted back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye, and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
his wife wasn't sure and said "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush!"

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