Hi
Just for a laugh I've decided to start a "really bad Dad jokes" thread. Feel free to add your own dad jokes.
I'll start...
A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond.
"What's your name?" Asked the chicken.
"Bond, James Bond" he replied.
"What's yours?"
"Ken. Chick Ken"
Awesome, this is something I will look forward to as well as trying to find that darn penguin, I still haven't found him from his last effort lol.
Knock Knock
Who's there
Lettuce
Lettuce Who
Lettuce in
Think about it lol. Yeah I know its a bad one lol.
What's blue and smells like red paint?
blue paint
Oh those two are bad.
Me, in tears to my wife:
Our neighbour passed away last night 😥😥😥
Kirsten: Who Ray????
Me: Not nice Kirsten
lol I had to read that one out loud.
Quote from: shift on May 19, 2022, 08:05:44 PM
lol I had to read that one out loud.
I had to read it twice before I go it!
I've invented a new game called Silent Tennis.
It's like regular tennis but without the racquet.
A book fell and hit me on the head,
I only have my shelf to blame
:BigGrin :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Someone just threw a lot of omega 3 at me....
luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
Why don't oysters donate to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
Never believe an atom, they make up everything!
What do you call a girl with her knee caught in a fence?
Caughtknee
(Courtney)
What's the No. 1 cause of divorce?
Marriage!
A man was working in the garden and his wife was about to take a shower.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake.. and yelled up to his wife,
"Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear and she shouted back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye, and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
his wife wasn't sure and said "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush!"
What happens when you witness a ship wreck?
You let it sink in.
:rofl:
Father to son:
"I've told you a trillion times not to exaggerate."
I laughed at that one Dataman. I like it!
How does a tree get on the internet?
They log in......
I bought a time machine next week.
They sure don't make them like they're going to.
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing!
Seen on a Dad's tee shirt:
You can't scare me.
I have a teenage daughter.
The CEO of Ikea was elected President of Sweden this week.
He's still assembling his cabinet...
My wife and I are both tightrope walkers.
We met online...
My dog can float perfectly still on water.
He's such a good buoy.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A house brick.
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A John Deere tractor.
Quote from: jave808 on July 04, 2022, 10:32:46 AM
The CEO of Ikea was elected President of Sweden this week.
He's still assembling his cabinet...
But - Sweden is a constitutional monarchy.
Now - Prime Minister - that's believable.
Quote from: Mysteron347 on July 05, 2022, 04:55:12 AM
Quote from: jave808 on July 04, 2022, 10:32:46 AM
The CEO of Ikea was elected President of Sweden this week.
He's still assembling his cabinet...
But - Sweden is a constitutional monarchy.
Now - Prime Minister - that's believable.
Yeah, I stole that one from a US website. They love their Presidents...
What begins with T, ends with T and had T in it?
A teapot.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon Prime account? Prime mates.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.