Dad jokes thread

[jave808]

Hi
Just for a laugh I've decided to start a "really bad Dad jokes" thread. Feel free to add your own dad jokes.

I'll start...

A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond.
"What's your name?" Asked the chicken.
"Bond, James Bond" he replied.
"What's yours?"
"Ken. Chick Ken"

[tazzduke]

Awesome, this is something I will look forward to as well as trying to find that darn penguin, I still haven't found him from his last effort lol.

Knock Knock
Who's there
Lettuce
Lettuce Who
Lettuce in

Think about it lol.  Yeah I know its a bad one lol.

[shift]

What's blue and smells like red paint?

blue paint

[jave808]

Oh those two are bad.

Me, in tears to my wife: 

Our neighbour passed away last night 😥😥😥

Kirsten: Who Ray????

Me: Not nice Kirsten

[shift]

lol I had to read that one out loud.

[Mike Mitchell]

lol I had to read that one out loud.

I had to read it twice before I go it!

[jave808]

I've invented a new game called Silent Tennis.
It's like regular tennis but without the racquet.

[jave808]

A book fell and hit me on the head,
I only have my shelf to blame

[tazzduke]

  

[jave808]

Someone just threw a lot of omega 3 at me....

luckily my injuries were only super fish oil

[Dataman]

Why don't oysters donate to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

[Dataman]

Never believe an atom, they make up everything!

[jave808]

What do you call a girl with her knee caught in a fence?
Caughtknee
(Courtney)

[Dataman]

What's the No. 1 cause of divorce?

Marriage!

[jave808]

A man was working in the garden and his wife was about to take a shower.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake.. and yelled up to his wife,
"Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear and she shouted back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye, and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
his wife wasn't sure and said "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush!"